I have been reading a book by Clay Clarkson called Heartfelt Discipline. I would highly recommend it, it was recommended to me by several good friends. It is a book that I started to read a while back, I just finished it last week and I want to go back and read it again. The author focuses more on the relationship between parent and child and between parent and Father God than on methods.

One thing I found interesting in the book was that Mr. Clarkson does a word study and finds that the word translated as child in the passages dealing with the “rod” is really a word that was used for adolescents, teenagers, or young adults not young children. A particular part of dicsipline that has been bothering Matt and I is spanking. This quote from the book sums up how Matt and I have been feeling about using corporal punishment: “There is a good reason that you should find it difficult to imagine Jesus raising His hand to strike a child in punishment.”

We had always been told that spanking was the way to deal with children and it seemed the only thing we knew we should be doing. Perhaps our method was wrong, the timing, the instrument used (hand vs. paddle vs. spoon etc.) or whatever, but even when we felt that the spanking was done “by the books” in our hearts we were uncomfortable. In my stubborness I continued to hang on to the idea that since this is what my parents did and it seems to be what everyone else around me is doing, then well I guess I will keep doing it even if the results are causing my conscience to squirm.

I have found that for me it is so much easier (being the lazy person I am) to decide to believe things or to do things because of something someone else has told me or exampled for me than to go to the Source. Do you want to know why? Because, I can then rely on my ability to blame that other person or source and thus take no responsibility for my own actions. It is a lot scarier to come to the Source for answers, because it means I must put all of my trust in Him. No one else will be responible for my mistakes, I will answer only to Him. So, in my frustration with my kids or my husband or my situation I find that most if not all the problem usually lies with me and my deceitfully wicked heart that tries to talk me into blaming someone or something else for my laziness.

I am not saying that there is not a lot of wonderful, insightful, parenting material out there that may be just the thing you need to help you with your children, but like several of you commented about in my last blog, we tend to look for that one perfect book, method, role model, or thing that will work, instead of realizing that each child, each family and situation is so unique that no one way will work for all, and that the One, who is the Way, holds the keys to all our hearts and our children’s. He is who we need to be studying and spending time with more than all the books, magazines, people we have put on pedestals, good intentions of friends and relatives, or whatever. The resources out there should help point us back to Him and not replace Him in our lives. Lord help us trust You more.

This is something that I am in the process of learning. As far as spanking goes, well I don’t know, but again I am searching for God’s heart in the matter and am not willing to do things just because anymore. I want to know what Jesus would do if he were the parent standing in front of my child. His mercy and love are what immediately come to my mind and the gracious way He has forgiven me and answered my cries and listened to my angry triads and held me close in his arms. Thank you, Lord, for loving me and showing me a better Way. Help me to point my children to You and to show them Your love instead of giving in to my selfish lazy frustrations.

(I know that this topic can be a hot spot for some and my intentions are not to make judgements but to try and be as honest as I can about where I am at in my life’s journey. Be blessed wherever you find yourself in your own journey and please feel free to share and make comments.)